Honesty

Maybe confessing was not the catharsis that I needed to purge myself from ice cream.

Confessing only blasted my lack of will power to the world.

I could delete the post, hide it in the void of electronic heaven, but that would not be true. 

I must be honest with myself.

As a student of yoga, I'm learning many old and interesting (wise) beliefs. The one that has struck me the most is where you have to look inside to find the answers to consciousness. If I try to look inside i'm sure I will see large areas of white (because that's what fat looks like in film).  Meditating is one way to look inside, unfortunately meditation takes time.

When the books that I'm reading feed my mind with great ideas I want to look for more books to explain the topics they mention.

Mindfulness is one of the main points these texts are expressing.  

Today, I visited the library to find a book on mindfulness eating. Yes, I know, I could have bought a book on Amazon. I found one in the library catalog, so no need. I ran to borrow it, because the catalog read: available. 

I dragged my poor little baby to the library. Instead of looking for the book first, I took her to the children's section and she walked around for a while. When it was time to look for my book it wasn't on the shelf. My baby was wailing and all the people in the library were looking at me as if though i was torturing my child. The librarians could not help me. The book was gone.

The search was more mindless than mindful. I'm not going to buy the book. I'm going to listen to the wise words that the current (1452 page) book I'm reading offers.

Here are the main mindfulness points that I've understood so far:

• live in the now
• let go of all fantasies and desires
• denying yourself fosters want
• you are enough

Yes, all of these points have been mentioned before in our lives. I've heard them many times.

When you put them all together and decide to use them instantaniously, now that's powerful and helpful. 

I have not had ice cream since I've fallen off the wagon. I even walked passed a whole freezer full of gelato and kept on going. My head did a slow and steady turn as i kept gazing at the ice cream, but i kept going.  

I just have to keep going with these points and see how far I can go. Maybe I will earn my self proclaimed Yogi Han title. We will see.