De-railed

It's harder to be mindful then you'd think.

Just having a mind is not enough.

This strategy is amazing. I really love it. The only problem is, it's stuck in my blog.

I have to go back and remember each mindful list. There are only four rules that I have to follow, yet they are still rules! Rules can be easy to forget, especially, when you think you're a rebel.
It's not just that i'm trying to be a rebel, it's also easier to live my life without change.

Here are the bad news:

I have not juiced in months, I'm making pies ('tis the season) and I'm taking rule number three (denying yourself fosters want) too seriously.

Good news:
I've started using my nutri-bullet for smoothies instead of margaritas and I'm making smoothie pops.


The bad news is always longer than the good news. I have omitted a lot of information from the bad news. The third part is an umbrella story that covers all of the traitorous things I have done to my goal and body. I'm leaving it that way. I'm tired of blogging about failure.

I really have not changed my bad habits. I have meditated for a while, but not twice a day for ten minutes. I meditated for seven minutes and stopped because I thought that was good enough for the first time.
I still find it easier to cook the same old foods, and go out in search of the things I want to eat when I want to eat them. It's also easier to say yes to treats at parties and functions when you have rule number three. Hehe.  I love that rule.

I have taken a picture of my rules. I will memorize them by reading them every chance I get. There are only four rules and I've already memorized rule number three, so the rest should be easier.

I'm serious about this change. I'll remain positive and I hope to post a load of good news in the next blog. :P

Mindfulness

When living in a house hold with eight other children, you learn: to eat fast, grab what you can get, share, and always finish what's on your plate. 

Throughout my adult years, I have taught myself to eat slowly. That's about it. The other meal time issues need a lot of work. 

I'm always grabbing two doughnuts, cutting them in half so that I could sample both. To me, this means, I share. Now, sharing is a good meal and all time habit. I've never read a book on etiquette,  but when you share in this way (i'm sure) it's not polite. It's not nice to take a bite out of something and then offer it to somebody else, either.  

Mindfulness needs to be introduced so that I can return to eating healthier and to kick these bad habits. 

This is how the mindfulness is going to help me:

1. Living in the now: I have to forget what I ate in the past. No, this does not mean forget the calorie intakes you've eaten within the same day! Just forget about yesterday. Focus on what I'm eating at that moment. It also means that I can not think about tomorrow and what I will be eating then. Notice what you're eating and how much. If you're coming to the point of over eating, stop yourself before you do. Be aware. 
2. Let go of all fantasies and desires: I can't fantasize about an ice cream cone when i'm having a delicious salad. I also have to stop wanting what I don't have. If i do not have ice cream at hand, don't wish for it. Then I won't go to the store and buy the snack.
3. Denying yourself fosters want: When there is ice cream present, don't deny yourself. Enjoy it. Also, I can not tell myself I can not have ice cream. I have to think: " i can have a frozen smoothie whenever I feel like it." Stating that I can not have ice cream will keep ice cream on my mind.
4. You are enough: I do not need these outside treats to make me happy. 

I am also going to add a twenty minute meditation. Ten minutes in the morning and ten minutes at night. I will meditate on a mantra that will help me become a better person. I will remove the old bad habits, as well as the new. My mantra will be: "I am healthy."

I've got ancient theories on my side here. This is bound to help! 

Honesty

Maybe confessing was not the catharsis that I needed to purge myself from ice cream.

Confessing only blasted my lack of will power to the world.

I could delete the post, hide it in the void of electronic heaven, but that would not be true. 

I must be honest with myself.

As a student of yoga, I'm learning many old and interesting (wise) beliefs. The one that has struck me the most is where you have to look inside to find the answers to consciousness. If I try to look inside i'm sure I will see large areas of white (because that's what fat looks like in film).  Meditating is one way to look inside, unfortunately meditation takes time.

When the books that I'm reading feed my mind with great ideas I want to look for more books to explain the topics they mention.

Mindfulness is one of the main points these texts are expressing.  

Today, I visited the library to find a book on mindfulness eating. Yes, I know, I could have bought a book on Amazon. I found one in the library catalog, so no need. I ran to borrow it, because the catalog read: available. 

I dragged my poor little baby to the library. Instead of looking for the book first, I took her to the children's section and she walked around for a while. When it was time to look for my book it wasn't on the shelf. My baby was wailing and all the people in the library were looking at me as if though i was torturing my child. The librarians could not help me. The book was gone.

The search was more mindless than mindful. I'm not going to buy the book. I'm going to listen to the wise words that the current (1452 page) book I'm reading offers.

Here are the main mindfulness points that I've understood so far:

• live in the now
• let go of all fantasies and desires
• denying yourself fosters want
• you are enough

Yes, all of these points have been mentioned before in our lives. I've heard them many times.

When you put them all together and decide to use them instantaniously, now that's powerful and helpful. 

I have not had ice cream since I've fallen off the wagon. I even walked passed a whole freezer full of gelato and kept on going. My head did a slow and steady turn as i kept gazing at the ice cream, but i kept going.  

I just have to keep going with these points and see how far I can go. Maybe I will earn my self proclaimed Yogi Han title. We will see.